Julian sat on the transport ship, trying desperately to distract himself from his sorrow by making casual conversation with the person seated next to him. The man was Bajoran and more ancient looking than the prophets themselves would appear if they had a unique physical form of their own. He was totally immersed in a book which sat open on his lap, written in their indecipherable ancient language. His black, gray and white hair and beard were so long they reached past his waist. He wore a cap and Vedek’s gown that were reminiscent of Kai Winn’s. He paid Julian no heed.

Not to be daunted, Julian kept prattling on. The chatter alone kept him from breaking into tears. A short time later, when their meal arrived, the man got up out of his seat and went to another part of the transport.

 

Julian spent the rest of the flight in contemplative silence.

 

 

"I want you to leave, Julian," Ezri said, coldly.

"What?" Julian asked, surprised.

"I do not love you," she explained.

Julian’s face fell, and he remained silent.

"I arranged transport for you," she said, handing him a ticket. "Your ship will leave here for Trill tomorrow. There’s a short layover there and then you’ll head to Vulcan and then Deep Space Nine. I’ll inform you as soon as I know anything about the divorce proceedings. I don’t see how we can avoid the two year separation requirement though."

"Divorce?"

"You can’t expect me to stay married to someone I don’t love," Ezri said, so drained of compassion after their two months of hell she no longer cared how much the words stung him.

Julian dropped down onto the bed and burst into tears. Ezri left the room, relieved that was over with.

 

 

Why did she no longer love him? Had she ever really loved him, or was she still confused because of the symbiont? Many times in his life he had felt he was truly in love. Being with Ezri had made him realize the difference between loving and being in love. He’d had no idea what real love was until they had gotten together. Knowing it wasn’t mutual hurt more than any pain he had felt before. Even Garak’s rejection of him the morning after their one-night affair years ago did not compare.

Unable to distract himself from his painful thoughts, tears ran in rivers down his cheeks. He rested his head against the wall of the ship, pain growing in his stomach, looking out at the stars as they passed.

 

 

"You could at least clean up in here," Yanas Tigan, Ezri's mother, said as she wiped imaginary dirt off of a bookshelf.

"I DO clean in here!" Julian protested defensively. "It’s the only thing you’ll LET me do!"

"She wont LET me clean in here," Yanas said, obviously upset and jealous that Ezri let Julian do so.

"I’d do more around here if you’d let me!" Julian said, indignant.

Yanas gave him a look that plainly said she felt him completely incapable of doing more than lifting a spoon. "It’s my money that pays for things around here," she informed.

"Ezri does her part!"

"And you don’t."

"I’m not allowed to work for the first six months, you KNOW that!"

Yanas narrowed her eyes in anger. "As long as you live in this house, you will do as I say." She stormed from the room.

Julian’s tears continued to trail down his face for the entire seven-hour flight to their layover stop on Vulcan.

*****

Towards the end of their flight, the Bajoran man returned to his seat next to Julian. He handed a datapadd to Julian, saying in a very clipped awkward Federation standard, "Need – help."

Taking pity on the obviously confused man, Julian forgot his own troubles and the man’s earlier rudeness. He took the padd from him, glad to help out. He also got handed a Bajoran passport. Julian started filling out the form for him, and the man placed a hand on his leg. The touch made Julian feel very awkward, but he dismissed this, not wanting to offend the man’s obvious grateful attempt to be friendly. After a moment the man draped his other arm around Julian’s neck. Feeling even more awkward, Julian shrugged the man’s hands off. Julian made several more attempts at dissuading his advances, becoming more alarmed. The sick feeling in his stomach deepened, and he wished he could breeze through the form and stop the physical contact.

The man moved his hand over to Julian’s genital area and said, "It only take me 5 minutes."

Julian, too shocked for words, wretched his dinner onto the seat, himself, and the offending man. The molester beat a hasty retreat, and Julian, embarrassed and crying, begged the flight attendant for something to clean himself with.

*****

Julian was the last to exit the craft, having used the time to clean himself up and pull himself together as best he could. He saw the flight attendant and felt guilty for the huge mess he made.

"I’m really sorry about the mess," Julian said mournfully.

"Oh don’t worry about it!" the attendant said, happy at his concern.

"I- I just couldn’t help it… after what he did."

"Who?" she asked, now growing concerned.

"That man, the Vedek. He…." Julian broke into tears, unable to contain all the swelling emotions in him. "….molested me!"

The attendant gave him a stunned look. "You should have TOLD us!"

"I was so sick…. I couldn’t. I don’t wish to press charges. I just want him told that he can’t do that to Federation citizens! I have an adjoining flight to catch anyway, and I don’t have time to file a report."

"I’m sure you can have your flight rescheduled under the circumstances."

"I just want to get home." Home…where was home now anyway?

"I understand. We will speak to him."

"Thank you," Julian said and stalked off with his carryon bag, headed to baggage claim. He couldn’t possibly go back to DS9 now, not after what happened. The last thing he wanted to see now was a Bajoran. Well, maybe the second to last thing.

*****

 

People came and went, collecting their bags. Julian waited for the second load of bags to be brought off the transport. His bags had not been among the first bunch. As he waited, he saw the Bajoran Vedek heading towards him. When the molester saw his victim again, he stopped in his tracks and reversed course, abandoning his quest for his bags.

Julian took a small measure of comfort in that, no longer fearing the man approaching him from behind. He took no small pleasure in the man’s fear.

 

 

Julian and Ezri lay in bed, turned away from each other, dissatisfied.

"It’s not my fault, Julian."

"Oh, of course it isn’t. You’re perfectly innocent every time you stand there and silently let her verbally tear me to shreds!"

"Where do you want us to go, Julian? We can’t afford to have our own place right now. Not until you can get a job."

"And I suppose moving back into Federation space so I can resume my post as a doctor is totally out of the question?"

"We already discussed that. You know I can’t be so far away from my family now, especially after what happened to Norvo. Someone has to straighten them out."

"You could at least stand up for me! Maybe she’ll listen to you and be more reasonable!"

"Julian!"

"Julian nothing! I gave up everything to be with you! My career, my family, my friends, everyone I’ve ever MET in my entire life! Because I LOVE you! Doesn’t that MEAN anything to you?"

Ezri closed her mouth, cutting off what she had intended to say, grabbed her pillow and a sleeping bag and went out on the couch to sleep.

 

 

The second batch of bags came, but Julian’s bags were still not among them. He ended up having to go to the security office and filing a complaint and loss of luggage form. One of the workers did some checking and discovered someone had neglected to send them ahead to the next ship after the first transfer.

"Figures," Julian said despondently. All he needed right then was to spend gods knew how long in his soiled clothes. He didn’t have any money on him, and he couldn’t bring himself to explain the situation to the Vulcans.

He sat, contemplating where to go, when a familiar scaly gray figure from the past came to mind. Garak! Of course, he’d go visit Garak on Cardassia. Despite what happened between them, Garak and he maintained a friendship. He would make him forget all this nonsense!

Julian quickly returned to the office and changed his ticket to take him to Cardassia. He got extremely lucky and only had to wait a few days on Vulcan before a transport was scheduled to go directly to Cardassia. It had no Bajorans of any kind on it either.

*****

Julian cleaned his clothes in the recycler at the transport authority, nearly naked during their cleansing. Luckily, no one came in. They offered him a free room because of his problems with the Vedek and his loss of luggage, but he had refused it. Sitting up and sleeping in one of the chairs seemed appropriate punishment to him. He must have done something horrible to deserve all the bad things that had happened to him lately, so if felt right to punishment himself further.

The next morning, he went to the transport authority’s office to pick up his luggage.

"What do you mean its not here!? I said I wanted my baggage before I left for Cardassia!"

"It will arrive directly on Cardassia."

"Do you know how long it takes to get from Trill to Cardassia?!"

The attendant gave him an apologetic look. "We’ll be sure to have it delivered directly to your door, Sir. You won’t have to go pick it up at the transport authority there or anything!"

Julian huffed in anger and left for his transport.

*****

It was incredibly late at night, and Garak was just about ready to turn in. He had a long full day of work behind him and another to look forward to in the morning. When he wasn’t working to implement policy for the betterment of Cardassia, he was working physically to help his friends and neighbors recover from the destruction.

They did things like plant community gardens, which kept them all fed. They all donated their old clothing to him, and he repaired it and gave it to those in need. It always made for a long day, but he felt good knowing he was helping Cardassia recover. At one point, he would have given anything to be able to stop hemming trousers and dresses. He smiled, thinking of the irony - that he was doing so now, willingly, to help Cardassia survive. Maybe it wouldn’t be the same Cardassia, but it was up to men like him to make a new, better Cardassia.

He had only just managed to pull on his pajama bottoms when he heard someone at the door to his meager home.

"Just a moment," he called out, heading toward the door. He was used to visits in the middle of the night. There was always someone suffering and in need, and people around knew he would do everything he could to help.

"Doctor!" Garak said in open, pleasant surprise when the visitor was revealed. Then he noticed the state his friend was in. His eyes were red and bloodshot, the tears of his soulful sorrow stained his thin bony face, and his wrinkled disheveled dirty clothing clung and twisted over his body.

"Oh Garak!" Julian gushed, unable to contain himself when he saw his friend, and he flung himself into Garak’s arms, bursting into fresh tears.

"Hush," Garak said, clinging to Julian. He held him tenderly and protectively. "Let’s go into the other room," he said, "where we can be more comfortable."

They made their way into the living room and sat on the couch, still in each other’s arms.

"What happened?" Garak questioned, although he figured he could easily guess on his own.

"Ezri kicked me out!" Julian wailed, his cries growing louder and his breath quickening.

"Shh," Garak soothed, stroking Julian’s face and hair.

Julian buried his face in Garak’s bare chest, too upset to even realize he pressed his face against scale and ridge instead of cloth. "She doesn’t love me anymore," Julian said, the words muffled by Garak’s chest.

"Shh," Garak repeated softly. "I will take care of you."

Julian finally heard the words, felt a small measure of comfort, and his crying subsided within a few quiet moments.

"I will do anything it takes to make you feel better," Garak pledged, shocked by his honesty and resolve, but not regretting it.

"Why? Why would you do that? Do I mean that much to you?" Julian said, unwilling to trust so easily. Garak had already rejected him once, and if his own wife didn’t love him, how could he?

"Happiness lives and dies in the heart, Julian," Garak explained. "You taught me that…a long time ago."

"But I thought-"

"I know what you thought. I’ve always known what you thought. But I didn’t push you away because I didn’t want you and not because I didn’t love you either. I was scared, scared because I wanted and loved you, even more than I love Cardassia." Tears stung the Cardassian’s eyes, and he allowed them to flow freely down his face, a testament to the sincerity of his words. Even if Julian didn’t return his feelings any longer, he would reopen this wound. It would heal the wound he inflicted upon his friend, and hopefully the one his vile wife had inflicted upon him as well.

Julian’s gaze softened, and he wiped the tears from his friend’s eyes. "Perhaps we can forgive each other then?"

"Forgive you? You have done nothing that needs forgiving, my dear."

"For giving up on you, on us…what we could have had."

"I didn’t give you much choice about that, did I? Besides, it’s when you allowed yourself to move on that we were finally able to regain our friendship. And that, my dear, is something I will always cherish."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" Garak asked, confused.

"Did you move on?"

Garak inhaled deeply, wondering whether or not to reveal that. One look into the brown pools of emotion dotting Julian’s needful face, and Garak had no choice but to expose himself fully to his beloved doctor.

"I have always loved you, my dear, and I always shall."

"Oh Garak," Julian said, pressing himself even closer and clasping on as if he would fall without him.

"Can you?"

"Can I what?" Julian asked, feeling as confused as Garak had been.

"Can you move on?"

"In time," Julian answered, feeling very vulnerable as he looked straight into the newborn tender look in Garak’s blue eyes. "With the help of a loved one."

 

Garak’s face swam with unasked and unanswered questions. He knew now was not the time to push his friend into revealing how he felt in return. He was too vulnerable, too confused by the sudden severe changes in his life and the loss of his wife.

"A piece of my heart will always belong to her," Julian said, not failing to notice the slightly stung look that briefly flashed across his friend’s face, "but the rest of it has always belonged to you, my dear." Julian added the last two words with great affection.

Garak smiled and traced ridged patterns onto Julian’s face, up the jawbone, above and around the eye, down past it and up the nose then in the inverted tear shape on the forehead, ending in a trail around the other eye and down the other side of his jawbone.

The couple held each other, mending each other’s wounds, fueling each other’s hearts with happiness and love, making promises to forever keep that happiness from dying again.

 

~The End~

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